Comments on: All’s quiet on the wedding front

By: Andy

Andy — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:06:05 +0000

Since I don’t think I could list enough things that I would actually want, I would be inclined to just ask people not to give me any *things*. The last thing I would want to do is get married and then deal with a lot of gifts knowing that many of them are probably things I don’t want, won’t use, and then feel bad about getting rid of them. I’m pretty picky with gifts now, even for birthdays and christmas. I told my family that if they want to give me something, I want it to be something very useful, and not made out of plastic if it involves food in anyway. That resulted in a cast iron pot and canning jars, which was exactly he kind of thing I wanted, so that worked. Overall, I don’t like the idea of gifts, but I know many people would be appalled if I asked not to receive anything.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 00:23:52 +0000

I found this blog 2000dollarwedding.blogspot.com a while back and it is amazing how this couple has planned a wedding that is environmentally friendly and less than 2000 dollars. While it involves a lot of work, I think you will relate to the couple’s sensibilities.

As for registries, I have a friend who found a honeymoon hosting site where your guests pay for a different aspect of your honeymoon (i.e. a dinner, an excursion, etc.)

By: Linnea

Linnea — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 23:50:32 +0000

The tradition I would like to start: Every time someone asks me when I’m getting married, I get a present.

By: Will

Will — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:26:49 +0000

SDG: Yeah, wedding costs are steep but trying to recoup the cost from your guests seems wrong, sort of like buying on credit when you don’t need to. If you can’t afford an expensive wedding, you should have a cheaper one rather than expecting the guests to chip in.

Emily: You’re right, it’s very cultural and I don’t have any problem with the tradition per se. In India, everyone lines up to give the newlyweds cash rather than providing gifts, which is similar. If that’s the way they want to celebrate, that’s cool. It’s when they start mixing and matching traditions in order to maximize gifts that I start getting indignant.

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:06:41 +0000

Actually, pinning money to the bride (or tucking money in a purse or money bag) is a fairly old and respectable tradition. Eastern European in origin, I think…instead of a registry or giving gifts, all gifting was in the form of cash. Each male guest danced with the bride and gave her his family’s gift of cash, which the couple would use to set up (or purchase) a household. It does seem a bit greedy, though, to expect both a gift and a money dance.

By: Student Doctor Green

Student Doctor Green — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:06:29 +0000

I’ve definitely seen people do the dollar dances where people pay to dance with either the bride or the groom. The amount of money everyone has to spend to have a wedding whether it’s guests, family or the couple can be pretty steep. I guess they’re just trying to recoup costs but yeah not very tasteful to charge for anything.

By: Will

Will — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 15:21:53 +0000

Okay, that makes sense. The Wedding Etiquette Hell book mentions a couple who had three showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, a “pre-wedding” party, and a present opening party after the wedding (with gifts expected at each)!

By: Linnea

Linnea — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 03:39:53 +0000

My understanding has always been that shower gifts are for the individual and wedding gifts are for the couple, and that the style of the gifts had everything to do with the style of the party (for example, a collection of works by Rumi is probably not the sort of gift one brings to a hen’s night involving hot pink wigs and penis crowns).