All’s quiet on the wedding front
Now that we’re in the home stretch of the house-buying process, Maggie and I are working our way through our wedding list. We ordered our invitations, but we still have to figure out exactly what to say. Since we were at the library yesterday, we got some books for inspiration (both for the invitations and for our vows).
In addition to helpful wedding books, I grabbed Wedding Etiquette Hell which consists primary of real stories about horrible wedding faux pas. I have to admit that a couple of them didn’t seem so terrible to me (are potlucks really that bad?) and that I didn’t know some of them (why is it acceptable to wait 12 months to send a wedding gift?), but overall they were just an amazing way of putting our little problems in perspective.
While I was worrying about green wedding registries, other people are apparently planning bride “kidnappings” where guests fork over money to get her back. Or money dances, where suckers–I mean, guests–pin money to the bride in order to dance with her.
In addition to those traditions, which I’d never heard of (and thank goodness my friends have had the taste not to try them), there are a lot of other materialistic aspects that I’d missed out on. I didn’t realize that it was expected to receive serious gifts at a shower. I thought they were all gag gifts, if any.
Even ignoring all the obviously terrible wedding practices, we’re avoiding a lot of trouble by keeping it simple. We don’t have to have a rehearsal dinner, so we can instead spend the evening relaxing with our families together. We don’t have to organize a luncheon after for the bridal party. And, most importantly, we don’t have to rope friends and family into working the wedding.
I guess what I’m saying is that if the wedding registry is the worst thing I have to worry about, we must be doing something right.
Linnea said,
June 11, 2008 @ 11:39 pm
My understanding has always been that shower gifts are for the individual and wedding gifts are for the couple, and that the style of the gifts had everything to do with the style of the party (for example, a collection of works by Rumi is probably not the sort of gift one brings to a hen’s night involving hot pink wigs and penis crowns).
Will said,
June 12, 2008 @ 11:21 am
Okay, that makes sense. The Wedding Etiquette Hell book mentions a couple who had three showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, a “pre-wedding” party, and a present opening party after the wedding (with gifts expected at each)!
Student Doctor Green said,
June 12, 2008 @ 3:06 pm
I’ve definitely seen people do the dollar dances where people pay to dance with either the bride or the groom. The amount of money everyone has to spend to have a wedding whether it’s guests, family or the couple can be pretty steep. I guess they’re just trying to recoup costs but yeah not very tasteful to charge for anything.
Emily said,
June 12, 2008 @ 3:06 pm
Actually, pinning money to the bride (or tucking money in a purse or money bag) is a fairly old and respectable tradition. Eastern European in origin, I think…instead of a registry or giving gifts, all gifting was in the form of cash. Each male guest danced with the bride and gave her his family’s gift of cash, which the couple would use to set up (or purchase) a household. It does seem a bit greedy, though, to expect both a gift and a money dance.
Will said,
June 12, 2008 @ 3:26 pm
SDG: Yeah, wedding costs are steep but trying to recoup the cost from your guests seems wrong, sort of like buying on credit when you don’t need to. If you can’t afford an expensive wedding, you should have a cheaper one rather than expecting the guests to chip in.
Emily: You’re right, it’s very cultural and I don’t have any problem with the tradition per se. In India, everyone lines up to give the newlyweds cash rather than providing gifts, which is similar. If that’s the way they want to celebrate, that’s cool. It’s when they start mixing and matching traditions in order to maximize gifts that I start getting indignant.
Linnea said,
June 12, 2008 @ 7:50 pm
The tradition I would like to start: Every time someone asks me when I’m getting married, I get a present.
Lauren said,
June 12, 2008 @ 8:23 pm
I found this blog 2000dollarwedding.blogspot.com a while back and it is amazing how this couple has planned a wedding that is environmentally friendly and less than 2000 dollars. While it involves a lot of work, I think you will relate to the couple’s sensibilities.
As for registries, I have a friend who found a honeymoon hosting site where your guests pay for a different aspect of your honeymoon (i.e. a dinner, an excursion, etc.)
Andy said,
June 15, 2008 @ 9:06 am
Since I don’t think I could list enough things that I would actually want, I would be inclined to just ask people not to give me any *things*. The last thing I would want to do is get married and then deal with a lot of gifts knowing that many of them are probably things I don’t want, won’t use, and then feel bad about getting rid of them. I’m pretty picky with gifts now, even for birthdays and christmas. I told my family that if they want to give me something, I want it to be something very useful, and not made out of plastic if it involves food in anyway. That resulted in a cast iron pot and canning jars, which was exactly he kind of thing I wanted, so that worked. Overall, I don’t like the idea of gifts, but I know many people would be appalled if I asked not to receive anything.